How to Stop Questioning your Capability

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A high proportion of the people I work with do themselves down. 
 
They focus in on their weaknesses and failings, and the things that don’t work, and berate themselves for the smallest of mistakes. 
 
They set the highest of standards for themselves and work relentlessly to meet that bar, and when they can't for whatever reason, they believe they’ve let themselves and everyone else down. 
 
Cathy and Ed were firmly in this camp. 
 
Cathy feared she wasn’t doing enough and measured herself unfavourably against colleagues and friends, always finding herself lacking. 
 
Ed entertained concerns about being “found out as a fraud”, and believed one wrong step and he risked being fired. 
 
Now what’s interesting is that, like pretty much all my clients who’ve felt this way, they didn’t see what was abundantly clear to everyone else on the outside... 
 
They are people who seriously achieve! 
 
Despite their concerns and self-inflicted admonishments, their commitment to the cause, incredibly high sense of responsibility, and tenacity meant they consistently delivered way more than the average person. 
 
To prove this point to Cathy and Ed, I set them a challenge. 
 
I asked them to keep a written log of the things they delivered over the course of a month, capturing the big and small wins. 
 
I got them to think about everything, whether it was supporting their team members, managing tough clients, persuading people of their viewpoint, hitting milestones on a project or completing pieces of work. 
 
And if they doubted the value of the thing they were considering writing down, I told them to capture it anyway just in case. 
 
Half-way through the exercise, Cathy and Ed shared their logs with me and I got them to talk me through the things they’d listed. 
 
To say they found it eye-opening is an understatement! 
 
Firstly, in chatting it through, each of them could see they had a serious volume of entries in their log for a short two-week period. 
 
Secondly, they were able to recognise the quality of the work they’d done. 
 
Cathy summed it up nicely: 
 
“I’ve never really examined what I was doing before. I’ve always focused on what I was missing and what other people were doing, rather than the quantity and quality of the things I am producing.” 
 
Cathy and Ed continued this practice for another two weeks and at the end of the exercise both had experienced an important shift in their perception. 
 
Cathy found that her measurement yardstick had changed. 
 
“Every time I start to compare myself to others, I go back to my list and use it to benchmark myself and my progress. It’s such a simple thing, but it’s made a huge difference to my sense of self and self-esteem.” 
 
Ed found that his focus had changed. 
 
“Rather than fixating on my flaws, I’m starting to appreciate what I’m actually achieving. It’s also making me more forgiving of myself, which is new for me.” 
 
If Cathy and Ed’s stories resonate, and you’re used to putting yourself down and judging your contribution harshly, try keeping an achievements log for a month. 
 
Capture everything, big or small, and revisit it often to recognise all that you are actually doing. 
 
There is incredible power in acknowledging your progress. 
 
You might just find there's a dichotomy between your perception and the reality of your output and results. 

Alison x