Last year I read a fascinating book, recommended to me by a client, and one section reminded me of a simple but amazingly effective tool for getting beyond fear.
The book is called Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it by Chris Voss.
Voss used to be an FBI hostage negotiator and his book takes you inside the world of high-stakes negotiations, revealing the nine techniques that helped him psychologically talk down bank robbers, gang leaders and terrorists, to save people’s lives.
He now teaches these negotiation principles to ordinary folk, because in his view, life is negotiation.
These are the examples he gives to make the point:
“I want you to accept that $1 million contract”.
“I want to pay $20,000 for that car.”
“I want you to give me a 10% pay rise.”
“I want you to go to sleep at 9 p.m.”
Now, outside Voss’ thought-provoking insights that can give you a competitive edge in any kind of negotiation, one of his techniques has another incredible benefit:
It explains how to reduce fear.
The technique itself is called “Labelling”.
In negotiation terms, it’s about spotting and highlighting someone’s emotion, exposing their negative thoughts to daylight in a neutral way.
In Voss’ old world, this might sound something like: “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail”.
The psychology behind calling out someone’s emotions and thoughts, is that it makes those emotions and thoughts less frightening to the person experiencing them.
Ultimately, it reduces their impact.
How so?
Well, a brain imaging study Voss cites by Matthew Liberman, a psychology professor from the University of California, explains why.
Liberman found that when people are shown photos of faces expressing strong emotion, the brain shows greater activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that generates fear.
But when they are asked to label the emotion, the activity moves to the areas that govern rational thinking.
In other words, labelling an emotion – applying rational words to a fear – disrupts its raw intensity.
Which ultimately allows you to get beyond it.
This is hugely powerful stuff and it provides a really simple tool to use for any of us held back by fears of any kind.
It suggests that by simply calling out the underlying emotions and thoughts we have in relation to anything we are fearful about, we lessen the power of it.
By acknowledging it in a factual way, our brains can’t help but process it logically.
It kicks us out of our emotional brain, making it easier to think rationally and choose to take logical or practical steps beyond that original fear.
So the next time you recognise you are feeling uncomfortable or fearful about any kind of decision or action, try calling it out.
Label your negative emotions and thoughts, and speak them out loud, then notice what happens.
For me, the effect is three-fold:
It helps me feel slightly calmer.
It enables me to more easily see a logical approach to a situation or challenge.
And it helps me choose to take a baby step in the direction of a decision or action, regardless of my fear.
So give it a whirl and test it out for yourself.
You might just find it helps you power forward in new and unexpected ways :)
Alison x
If you, or an aspiring or senior leader in your business, would like help navigating fears or challenges to maximise your contribution and support your professional progress, contact Souha Khairallah, Talent and Professional Development Director, PRCA at souha.khairallah@prca.org.uk, and ask for a no-strings consultation call with me.
I deliver structured coaching programmes that are tailored to the individual, helping people overcome barriers, capitalise on their innate strengths and realise their true potential.
About the author
Alison O’Leary is a certified life coach, specialised in career coaching through her practice, Live True. In a 20-year career she has held a number of senior management positions within the PR industry, most recently as Deputy Managing Director, Europe for Racepoint Global. Alison specialises in people development and combines insights, tools and methodologies from corporate and personal coaching work to help communications professionals realise their true potential for personal and organisational benefit. She partners with the PRCA to provide bespoke Senior Leader Coachingand Managing Performance to Improve Productivity Training. For more information contact souha.khairallah@prca.org.uk.